Comparisons

I had a little blip a couple of days ago, so I thought I’d share it with you.

My mum and sister had come down to visit and we had the most wonderful night of laughter, good food and lots of drink! The next day I was hungover. I had that feeling of emptiness I get when I’ve had a heavy night of drinking the night before, that no amount of food can seem to satisfy. I don’t know if anyone else gets that? Anyway, I basically spent the day grazing on copious amounts of food and woke up the next day feeling awful. I felt guilty and ashamed that I hadn’t been able to resist the temptation to feed the hangover. And for the first time in a while, I felt ugly and fat. I began to doubt all the positive steps I’ve taken, and to fantasise about the skinny body I used to have.

I began looking around at other people, comparing myself to them, and wishing I looked different.

But then I took a step back and reconsidered. Everyone has their own story. You can’t compare yourself to other people, because we all have such different lives and we’ve all faced different struggles. It also follows that you can’t judge a person based only on their appearance. You have no idea what’s going on in their lives. And if people do judge you on the way you look, their opinion is certainly not one to care about.

I’m still learning to be confident in my skin. To love my new body. To listen to it, and to respect it. But I sure as hell won’t be comparing it to anybody else. We’re each our own person, and that what makes the world such a beautifully diverse place.

Don’t let what surrounds you change the way you feel about yourself. Love yourself just the way you are.

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Acceptance

I think I’ve finally made peace with myself.

The realisation has just hit me out of nowhere.

Yes I have bad days, but most often my mind is free from the oppressive chain of worry. Free from the persistent negative thoughts that would incessently whirl around in my overactive mind. Free from constant self criticism, continually searching for ways to improve myself rather than being able to live in the moment and appreciate everything I have.

I don’t care what people think of me anymore. I don’t care what people think about the decisions I make. I don’t care what people think of the way I look. I certainly don’t care if people think I looked better when I was skinny, because my God I feel so much better.

I can concentrate. I have energy. I don’t feel weak and faint. I want to socialise rather than lock myself away. I’m not cold all the time. I can sleep. I’m less anxious. My mood is better. I’M ALIVE AGAIN.

And not only that, but I’m actually starting to like my body again. I’m beginning to not only accept, but appreciate the rolls and bulges that have emerged over the past few months. I’m starting to like my jiggle and the extra junk in my trunk. My wobbly thighs and podgy tummy remind me of all the good times I’ve had eating and drinking without a care in the world. They remind me of smiles and laughter. They’re a strength not a weakness, and I intent to continue growing in more ways than one!